Half-way there

Oncology day unit: (mid-point)

The first two rounds were horrible. I’m hoping that the next three after this one will go smoothly. With the first cycle I was hospitalised for five days.* With the second I was ill with a septic shock reaction and so far with the third chemo I haven’t gone septic (crossed-fingers). May the anti-emetic drugs (anti-nausea) + post-chemo cocktail of steroids, bowel control tablets, GCSF depot injection (triggers bone marrow to make white blood cells) and antihistamines hold me – them drugs baby they do appear to work.

The first two cycles remind me that I’m beholden to my chemistry. When physically ill with medical mishaps I’m the child who ignores the practical joke of a sheet over a sand pit. I walk straight into it and the sides collapse – my emotional life plummets to lack of hope, I become skinless and words with any hardness or edge go straight in and twist. With the first sign of returning health my normally robust nature draws back on like a much loved jacket – reassured and comfortable inside myself again, hope returned.

*One good thing about being in hospital was I got a complete rest. The staff were lovely to their youngest person on ward.

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