I’ve added a Breast Reconstruction page on the side for those who want to read and see some of what goes on with breast recons. Warning: the pictures can make you wince.

Pics: Beautiful flowers from family & friends/Sara & Ian/Brett & Felix (Fee’s sucking on a syringe – don’t worry no needle). At Mater Private I had my own room, bathroom and balcony, which was all rather nice.

4th Feb 2010 – diary entry

First real look at my chest. The dressing can’t get wet, so a nurse sponge bathed my back as I did my face and underarms. With a towel wrapped around my chest I showered my lower half. Part of protecting your lymph system against lymphodema is to maintain well-moisturised skin. After ‘enlivening’ mine I did the does my bum look big in this side to side glancing in the bathroom mirror.

I’m 5ft3 (162cm) tall, weigh 52kg, and my hair is short, and thick-wavy like Mia Farrow in her Sinatra days. I might be 35, but the image before me is of an eleven year old. I’m pre-adolescent again. Flat on the back and front. My shoulders are broad so t-shirts used to hang down before breasts interrupted the curtain look and made a woman out of me. This re-newed body is familiar. I’m doing it again. I’ve lived through the emergence of womanly bits before. However, this time my form will be female but my fertility wont. I am a changeling.

… I’m a woman made anew with saline chest expanders + my flat chest resembles a mini Malibu.

Today was my first full day out of hospital.

Arzu came down by train from Eumundi, 1.5hrs drive north of Brisbane, to look after Felix. Brett and I spent the day doing nice things like sourcing wood for Brett’s stairs project (from our deck to the garden), collecting a library book ‘How Fiction Works’, having coffee, napping and delighting in being in BrisVegas. It pours down for five minutes – abruptly stops – then the sun returns. The moisture in the air is edible it’s so thick.

I’m wearing an elastic boob tube around my chest to reduce swelling. It’s not comfortable. However, the pain is less than I imagined which is nice.